My liver just broke up with me...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
