I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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