he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
smell my finger.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
