I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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