its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
