i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
