My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
