you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
