I just made out with a guy for $7.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
