No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So vagazzling was a success
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
