Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
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My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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