Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
40s are totally the cure
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
