i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
