Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
