Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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