Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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