I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
