is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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