I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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