I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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