Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
