I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
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i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
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Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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