the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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