so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
