I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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