So gin and wine won't be happening again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
