Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
