There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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