Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
