sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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