please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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