i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
