I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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