I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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