i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
