Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize