Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
