Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
