I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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