Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
