I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hippo gnu deer
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
