I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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