I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
