hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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