Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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