So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
