this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
