i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
