literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
