You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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