You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
a search helicopter?!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
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