I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i think i have two assholes
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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