Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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