i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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