i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
