shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
