Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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