I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I could make wine with my vomit
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
