I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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