I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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