I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
