By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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