so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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