In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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