sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
