Nicole vs. Life
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
