someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
