i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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