And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
