I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
