kristin has been a bad kristin
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
