Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
