Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
