Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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