It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
