names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
