you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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