I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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