I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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