this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
